Anita Diamant

By Stacey Dresner ~

Bestselling author Anita Diamant will discuss “Chanukah & Christmas: Navigating the Holiday Season” on Sunday, Dec. 4 at 9 a.m. at a breakfast program at the Springfield JCC in Longmeadow, Mass.; and at 3:30 p.m. at Congregation B’nai Israel in Northampton, Mass..  
Diamant is the author of 11 books including the best-selling “The Red Tent” and six non-fiction guides to contemporary Jewish life.
Born in Newark, N.J., Diamant’s was raised in Colorado and moved to Boston in 1975. She is the author of several non-fictioon books, including “The New Jewish Wedding,” “The New Jewish Baby Book,” and “Living a Jewish Life.” Her first novel is the 1997 best-seller “The Red Tent,” based on Chapter 34 of the Book of Genesis that tells the story of Jacob’s daughter, Dinah. Published in 1997, it is based on chapter 34 of the Book of Genesis.
The Ledger recently spoke with Diamant about families and stresses surrounding the winter holidays.

Who is your talk aimed at?
A: It is definitely for everyone. Most of the people who come to these have non-Jewish family, which is most of us, and often they are either interfaith or conversionary families with non-Jewish grandparents and other family members where family issues can come up. But for families where everyone is Jewish, Christmas can be a real challenge emotionally and every other which way. We live in a culture – actually in an economy that is driven by consumerism and Christmas is the big event. So nobody gets out of this alive.

What are the particular stresses for interfaith and conversionary families around the holidays?
A: There are lots. For somebody who grew up celebrating Christmas it is very often the holiday connected with wonderful memories, of family coming together, of great food, of warmth, of traveling to see grandparents. If you have made a decision to raise a Jewish child in a Jewish home, that means putting some of that aside — if not all of that aside – at least within the walls of your own home. And that can feel like you are giving up a whole lot and not being appreciated for it. In some families where the non-Jewish partner just wants a little tree, the Jewish partner can see the tree not as a tree, but as a cross, as something very religious, while for the non-Jewish partner it is really not. It is a symbol of childhood and winter, and it is not a religious symbol.
Then there are the questions about grandparents on both sides. Jewish grandparents get very anxious at this time of year and worry if you take your children to see their Christian grandparents and celebrate in their home. They worry about that and may get on your case. On the other side Christian grandparents whose offspring are raising Jewish children can feel shut out and rejected, and may want to overcompensate and give their Jewish grandchildren a lot of Christmas because they are not getting it at home.
Every family is different and every family is its own constellation of joys and challenges. For some people wrapping paper is a big issue, believe it or not; for other families attending church is the question with family members.
And children will bring their own two cents into it too. If they are the only Jewish child in the classroom and they are put on the spot – some kids actually like that and become the authority and center of attention, and other kids really don’t like that and want only to blend in, which means they want Christmas. So again, every situation is really dependent on personalities as well.

So what should these families do?
A: I don’t prescribe what people should do ever. I’ll make suggestions. I have lots of stories of how other families have done things and made choices. But that comes not just from me… people in the room will often stand up and say, ‘You know what we do? And it has worked out really well…” and that kind of sharing I find very powerful and affirming. People can feel isolated this time of year, so knowing that you are in a room full of people who are facing similar questions and issues – it is good to have company.

Do you think that families with both Jewish and non-Jewish grandparents have a duty to share time with both sides of the families?
A: People make all of these decisions. Sometimes there is an attempt to give children both under their roof, so they will celebrate both Chanukah and Christmas. Of course, if that is the only holiday you celebrate all year that is sending a particular kind of message about what does it mean to be Jewish – or what does it mean to be Christian for that matter?
And then there are families where the decision has been made — whether somebody has converted or who hasn’t converted — that the children are being raised as Jews and the non-Jewish partner participates in that and that means Daddy has a tree and we help Daddy celebrate his holiday, but we are not going to. That can be confusing for a four-year old, but it may not be that confusing for an eight-year old. If you are clear and consistent I think kids can roll with it.
I think visiting non-Jewish parents at Christmas is a lovely thing to do. Some families make Thanksgiving the big family holiday – it’s not a religious holiday, it’s neutral, very joyful, with good food and great memories.

Switching gears, how are things going at Mayyim Hayyim, the Boston-area mikveh that you helped found? Is it everything you envisioned?
A: Oh, it is way more than I envisioned. It really is a community mikveh and a lot of people had a hand in making it and making it as good as it possibly could be. We have been open seven years and we are going to have our ten-thousandth immersion sometime in the next few months. We have 100 education programs every year. Religious schools from Conservative, Reform and other non-affiliated liberal synagogues come and kids from day schools come and do programs about transition and when might you use mikveh. The stories coming from Mayyim Hayyim are just beautiful. The stories of conversion, the stories of people healing after illness, of marking transitional moments in life – turning 60, turning 82. The Jewish community is embracing it and we have people from all over New England come and use the facility. We have visitors from around the world as well.

“Chanukah & Christmas: Navigating the Holiday Season” is  free and open to the community and childcare will be available. For more information, call (413) 737-4313, ext. 121.